You know you’re basically friendless (and maybe slightly mad) in a new classroom when this is what your notebook cover looks like after a proxy lecture aka what it’s like to adjust in a new school:
But damn bro, don’t judge me so quick (I’ve take care of that job myself T^T). Anyways, if you’ve ever moved or transitioned from one environment to a completely different one, you would get it. The ease of detachment in chaos, and yet the contradicting feeling of wanting to somehow be a part of this chaos instead of just a spectator…*sigh*. Round of applause for the introverts reading this though for real. I feel like I’ve finally begun to get a hang of this though. Although I’ve moved schools a few times in my life, I really felt the impact socially and culturally this time since I’m older now. So, if you are the new kid somewhere, here’s how I navigated this change and how you can too.
What my change was
This week I switched from igcse to stateboard. I was like any other student from an international affiliate school who was ever moved to a room full of people they had previously considered an offbrand species. In over my head and seemingly out of place.
You see, I have this thick accent when I talk. Although this wasn’t a huge problem in Cambridge, people barely understood me in stateboard. Stuff like “talk slow bro”, or “what?”, “hein?” was every conversation- still lowkey is.
How I reacted
Honestly though, I wasn’t offended to hear it. Infact, close relatives have reacted the same way frequently before during a conversation with me. It doesn’t mean they’re trying to be rude. It just means they really don’t understand, but I was super embarrassed in both cases. And then the slight language barrier kicked in. You would find me stumbling for words in Marathi (humorous to watch in all honesty, though not to feel). Soon I felt like an overwhelmed tourist in my own city. So for the next two days, I didn’t speak a word to anyone around me.
How I felt
I mean, it isn’t easy to not fit in. You just want to leave, but you can’t, and if you’re staying, you really want to STAY stay, not just be there like an object. I was scribbling internal thoughts on the cover of my notebook like it was some asylum wall, but I think I was treating it like a journal right then by gaining clarity in my thoughts among all the chaos around me. Everything felt wrong. Partly though, I didn’t want to associate with these strangers either. They were just as “foreign” to me as I was to them. I liked my bubble, not because I was scared of being embarrassed (maybe a little), but also because it was easier than making the effort to understand and participate in what was going on around me- even if I really did want to know.
Think, previous faded friendships where you were the first to make a move, bad experiences with language barriers, being distracted by your own personal thoughts, these were most of the thoughts going through my head. Also the very human tendency to not be comfortable with change. Conversing with these people was the last of my worries by the way, there was new stuff to learn too.
How I responded
So, in all truth, I needed space. I’m someone who needs time to settle in by myself before I can involve with other people, and that’s fine. Not everyone is the same. But you need to know where to draw the line between comfort and comfort zone (NOTE: applies outside the social realm too)!
If you are worried about fitting in like I was, you need to know that as long as you aren’t a serial killer or a pedophile, you do fit in. And until you don’t give people a chance, you won’t find that out for yourself. Up when you’re ready soldier.
The navigation
I did end up talking to the girls next to me today, told them about my language barrier problem and that I wasn’t trying to be rude, and they were actually friendly about it. You’ll be surprised to know how many people in the world need to know how something works in order to treat it fairly- aka everyone. Of course, the problem still existed, and I found myself repeating myself a couple of times, but they listened, and responded. And isn’t that what a healthy acquaintance looks like? I still haven’t completely adjusted, but this is a start I’m proud I made today.
I used to think people from the stateboard were rude and mean and boisterous, but I was wrong. Yeah, they’re judgemental, cultural differences exist too and they SERIOUSLY care about grades, but they’re also polite, smart, and friendly when you work up the courage to approach them. This isn’t the case with everyone of course, but everyone is not the same 🙂
What I learnt
I got the privilege of this push for me to start accepting my new life as a student of the stateboard of Maharashtra, India, might not be so bad. And the push, it wasn’t talking to people, it wasn’t getting answers right, it was the feeling that I finally began to care about my new school life in general.
My advice for you
The good, the bad, the ugly” -in my dad’s words. You have to see it all if you’re going to make room for yourself to learn, grow, and find what works for you and what doesn’t. My advise then is, take the chance: if you win, be glad that you stepped out of your bubble. If you lose- count your losses, heal, and then move on. Don’t do this to seek external validation, but to show yourself that you care. Because the only way to belong somewhere is to give a damn about being present in the experience of it, regardless of how it is. However, if it isn’t for you, your bubble is a safe space and you know the price a brute will pay for harshly breaking it 😉
So here’s how I survived that first awkward week—and how you can too! Good luck astronaut of many worlds!
If you’ve walked this journey before, what was your experience when you moved to a new school/office/neighborhood? Drop your take in the comments, messy beginnings need to be normalized!
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a poem about how change can be growth: https://saragawde.com/change-is-growth/
image source: (sneakers image) https://www.shutterstock.com/video/search/fashion-white-sneakers